since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
