Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he puts the penis in happiness.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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