Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They are going to name an STD after you.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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