using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
