Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dont even know how to be here
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
