Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
