im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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