I'm going to rape someone's good day.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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