I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
