my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
