I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
