areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
even my farts smell like vagina
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
