Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
