people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
