so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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