That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
