hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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