This is not my ceiling
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
