Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Houston, we have a squirter
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
