i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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