im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
