The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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