you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
