Will you blow on my dice?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My ATM looks so different sober.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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