I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
