I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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