I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
