and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
