He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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