im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
