Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
