You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
