I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
