Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
