Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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