Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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