you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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