I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
