Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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