And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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