Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I came so hard my ears popped.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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