you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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