Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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