Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
