How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You made out with two different species that night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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