Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
