If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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