In the future we'll all be gay
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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