I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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