I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
