Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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