The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
