you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you had me at cake vodka
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
