You're so nebulous sometimes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
