Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
