My first STD was from a foam party
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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