What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
These tits shall not be calmed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize