My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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