I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
