I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
