i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
