Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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