I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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