3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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