working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
3pm strippers are depressing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
