it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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