If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
