you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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