listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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