we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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